These goodbye-days are the worst.
Maybe that sounds overly dramatic, but really I dread these days. I dread these days going both directions — going to school and going home — because I hate change. Hate saying goodbye. And these days that fling me up and away from Seattle are the rock-bottom worst.
This is me: sitting at my airport gate, sipping an iced tall caramel macchiato through a straw with quivering lips, trying really hard not to think about anything. Cause everything somehow leads back home.
See, I’m too torn. I love school. I’m obsessed with it; it is a silly, busy, sunny second home. As soon as I get there I’ll be so glad — glad to see the beach and my best friend and my dorm-home and the cafeteria and my mailbox, which may or may not be full of package slips for textbooks that I will somehow be glad to see, too, knowing I’ll be stuffing my brain full of them in the coming months.
I do love home, too, and this is the part that makes my lips quiver as I drink more coffee. I love my mom and my dad and how our relationship has become friendship. I love my sister; no one makes me laugh like she does. And my crazy dog and my living room and cooking in the kitchen and playing games and walking in wintry gray Seattle weather and drinking coffee from coffee shops that are so indie and so cool and so nonexistent in California.
But I have to go: here again, there again, called north or south by this academic migration pattern called college-student-life.
Somehow I feel better now, coffee gone and lips calmer, after writing all this out. Writing calms me. And really — I’m ready for second semester. I just have to get through this day first.
I’m going to take the rest of this week off to soak up family and home and rain and time to process everything that’s happened this semester
I’m thankful for all of it — although it’s been pretty hard at times. Lots of new things have been thrown in my face over the last couple months… and I’m tired. But thankful for the moments that stick out: out-of-control laughter with my roomie, impromptu games of pool and balderdash and cards, lazy days at the beach, deep conversations at coffee shops, that first phone call from my agent, late-night volleyball games, sunsets in dirty parking lots, first dates… and the promise of Thanksgiving break.
What would we do without Thanksgiving break?
Be thankful this week. And eat lots of turkey.
Happy fall! Happy rain, happy wind, happy mist, happy gray. If your weather is fall-ish right now, enjoy it for me. It’s 75 degress today, perfectly blue-skied and perfectly brilliant. And not fall. I cannot WAIT until Thanksgiving — cannot wait to see rain-streaked asphalt and dripping windows and soggy leaves in the gutters. Okay, I know, I can’t complain about sun. But sometimes I just wish it would rain.
All this to say: It’s November 1st and I am officially resigning from NaNo. I know, how depressing. It hasn’t even started and I’m already giving up. But. People. I have revisions to do now, and I just do not see how there’s going to be time. If it starts raining, pouring, dumping… maybe I’ll just curl up in my room for all of November and get some serious writing done, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
So. No NaNo. To all you who are braving that storm: bravo. You are awesome, and I can’t wait to see you reach the 50k mark in 30 days. May you write and write and write as it rains.
Meanwhile I’ll be revising in the sunshine…
(stay tuned for more agent news tomorrow)